you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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