but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
