carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
