I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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