I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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