My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
