he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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