I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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