She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
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Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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