Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
