i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
