I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
