never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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