There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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