im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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