i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
