connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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