I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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