Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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