How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
