I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
