I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
