The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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