no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
