omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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