I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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