my phone needs a breathalizer
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
