I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
