so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
