6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize