Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Two words: blizzard sex
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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