i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
