This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
