So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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