You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
