Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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