remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
