If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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