I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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