You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
