Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So many bounce houses so little time
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
