i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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