I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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