wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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