You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
