I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
