She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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