No, you can still breathe under the balls.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
