No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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