There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
