sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
