so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
