Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
