help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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