WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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