I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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