Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
