My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just pee around me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
