I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
