Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
