I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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