chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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