I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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