Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
