I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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