Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
