I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
