Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
