I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
