we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
