I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
