oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
