i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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