These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
