perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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