I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
