Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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