i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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