you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
