Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
