Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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